Peace Out 2020!

As I’m sitting here sipping on a whiskey, reflecting on the complete shit show that has been this past year, I can’t help but feel grateful for where it has brought me. There were SO MANY lows…and craziness…and unknowns…and STRESS (homeschool, anyone?!😵 God Bless the Teachers🙏and don’t even get me started on small business shut downs😖)…but damn if it didn’t also bring me an immense amount of perspective, and peace.

I’m a bit of a daydreamer, and a perfectionist (and not in the good way)…never content with what I have in front of me…always looking for the “next best thing”. Always feeling like everything is just NOT QUITE good enough. There’s always room for improvement, right? Never content. Never good enough. Always needing more meaning. More depth. More answers.

I’m going to be straight with you- I was content shooting weddings and solely weddings…until I wasn’t. After shooting the same thing for 8 years straight I started to feel burnt out. I still loved them, and was beyond blessed to share in so many special moments and capture so many memories for my amazing clients (I did the math…144 wedding couples, to be exact!🥰) but I felt like something was missing. I needed more….I was getting restless…

Then 2019 threw me for a loop. Set the scene: I was recently separated from my husband of 13 years…he had the kids, so I was hanging out in my new little space drinking wine, eating peanut butter M&M’s, bingeing 7 seasons of New Girl, and blasting Jewel’s “Piece’s of You” (don’t judge) when I saw that a friend of mine had posted an ad for a boudoir session. I don’t remember what I was thinking…I honestly don’t really even remember emailing her…all I know is I woke up the next morning with a massive hangover and a booked session. I wanted to back out of that damn session SO MANY times (I’d had 5 kids! I didn’t even wear a swimsuit in public, much less pose in lingerie! I couldn’t do THAT! I wasn’t skinny enough! Wasn’t pretty enough! Wasn’t good enough! Was separated…who would even see them?! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE POINT?!) Literally every single hesitation that could creep into my brain DID. I almost cancelled it multiple times. I almost turned around and went home when I was halfway there. I was terrified. But I showed up (may or may not have had a shot of whiskey😉), and didn’t let my fear keep me from stepping out of my comfort zone. ❤️

I had shot boudoir sessions years before I happened upon my own, but it just never really CLICKED (cheesy pun intended. haha) for me until I experienced it for myself. When I tell you that I walked out of my friend Lexi’s studio feeling like a whole new person it’s no lie. I had NEVER felt confidence like I did that day. I had NEVER looked at photos of myself and thought “damn! I love that!” It was a total game changer for me. It was mind blowing. I honestly cannot even put it into words. I still get goosebumps when I think about how I felt that day.

📸: Alexandra Mae Photography

I knew from the second that I walked out of her studio and Lexi said “girl, you should try boudoir photography!” that I was hooked. It took me a few solid months of contemplating it, figuring out logistics, and watching it all fall into place…but I can without a doubt tell you that the absolute BEST thing that came out of 2020 for me was finding my purpose. I KNOW without a doubt that empowering other women through the art of boudoir is what I am meant to do. Helping women SEE THEMSELVES through my lens is by far one of my greatest accomplishments. It gives me meaning, and a purpose. Not only has it helped me face my own demons…but I’ve been blessed to see that “switch” flip in so many other women over this past year. It’s honestly the best feeling in the world to see that confidence level start to rise…to see them hold their chin a little higher, and stand up a little straighter…to see them SEE THEMSELVES in a new light…get comfortable in their own skin…just as they are. It really is a whole experience. A #fiercelyfeminine movement, if you will. 💕 Not JUST a photoshoot. And I cannot wait to see what 2021 will bring. ❤️